I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
