If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is Oprah even human
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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