You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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