And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
