I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
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She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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