This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
no, he came in my armpit
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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