i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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