wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
