I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
