you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
