I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
