i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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