I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have demons in me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
