Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
