Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
