New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
