When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
