theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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