you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
