That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
