I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
