i just wanna soil my oats bro
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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