are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
