That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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