so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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