see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
