dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
