According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
