I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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