3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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