whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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