I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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