Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
