my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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