I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
