I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
