Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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