This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
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I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
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The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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