How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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