I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize