My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
