Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
