I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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