I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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