I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
