Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
