We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
