if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We talked him into tasing himself.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
