At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
