Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
