i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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