i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
