Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
