I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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