I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
