strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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