I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
