My Higher Power is John Stamos
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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