Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
