I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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