Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
