If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
