the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
