Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
