She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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