I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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