Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
