the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
