# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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