Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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