One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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