Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
