TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
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