So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
