Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
