There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
